Miscarriage #1

Almost 2 years later the time came again (Jan 2007)....

I had the routine of always counting my days down before my period was due again.... watching for additional signs outside of my normal PMS symptoms...day 26, 27, 28 (huh? no period??), 29 - off to buy the stick - I am never a day late!!! I remember the day, at breakfast with 4 of my girlfriends - of the 4, my best friend sat to the right of me who at the time was 6 weeks pregnant, and my cousin to the left of me who had recently aborted her pregnancy because she was not ready to have a child. I was saying that I was a day late and maybe and hopefully I was pregnant - they were all so excited for me and made sure I called them all once I went home to take the test. I anxiously left the restaurant, went to buy the pregnancy test and rushed home. After a tinkle on the stick and a couple minutes later the test read POSITIVE!!! The rush of joy consumed me - this was it, I was going to have a baby! My husband came home, I had wrapped the stick in Christmas wrapping paper, as Christmas was a couple weeks before. The smile he had stretched from ear to ear!

I immediately called my breakfast buddies, family and friends - all shared the joy with me! As soon as all calls were made, i immediately went online to once again register on all the baby websites and started reading through the pregnancy book I had bought 2 years prior with the first pregnancy. The next day, I made the appointment with the doctor. He made a joke saying I didn't waste any time in making the appointment - most people don't even know they are pregnant until a month or two after...The nurse did another test to confirm the pregnancy and I was in fact pregnant. I was given the pre-natal vitamins, said I was about 5 weeks according to my last period, and to come back when I was 8 weeks so they can attempt to do an ultra sound to see if they could see the sac.

Off I went feeling so warm and fuzzy everyday. I would constantly watch for warning signs since I had the ectopic 2 years before. So far so good. Stopped drinking coffee, changed my diet to benefit the little seed inside me - I wanted to do everything perfect. Two weeks later I started to cramp, it felt like my period was coming. I had read that the uterus stretching could cause cramping. I went to the bathroom, wiped and there was pink on the tissue. My heart stopped and immediately I knew something was not right. I know that spotting can be a normal thing throughout pregnancy - but I knew in my gut that wasn't the case. Since it was a Sunday, no Dr. to call or go see so my next best thing is the Internet. I got online seeking info on what I may be experiencing. The cramps are still there, and after wiping again the pink was now red. In my reading the cramping and dark red could and most likely represents danger/miscarriage. Every 3 minutes I would go wipe, hoping it would go away....but with every wipe, the red got deeper in color and clots began to appear. Suddenly drops were just falling into the toilet. I yelled for my husband to come in the bathroom and showed him what was going on - I could see his heart breaking, so worried and concerned. Hiding behind his fear, he continued to try to comfort me and tell me it was going to be okay. I went to lay down with my broken heart and tears - I knew my dream of having a baby was vanishing once again....

Monday morning I went to the doctor, by this time I was wearing a pad for the amount of blood and clots escaping me. Doctor confirmed that yes, I was miscarrying and it would be best to do a DNC the next day to make sure I did not get an infection. He tried his best to console me, letting me know how common miscarriage is, and the reasoning behind it. As much as I understood it did not take my broken heart away.

Next day I went and had the DNC - I prayed for healing and faith ...I know that God has a reason for everything and I would be blessed in HIS timing despite the fact that I wanted it so bad in my timing.